sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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