oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
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screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
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Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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