It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
