I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
