good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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