whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
