Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
