You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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