Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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