i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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