Where is the hickey?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
