Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
