...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
