At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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