I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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