hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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