just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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