A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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