There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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