see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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