No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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