This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We need a shit load of segways right now
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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