just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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