hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
