That's intense
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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