I love black thongs
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
