he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
