thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
