We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
my liver is dry heaving
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
