What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
