A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
