for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
