We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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