If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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