Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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