I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
