i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize