she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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