Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
