my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
