2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
