i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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