I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
