they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
you never un-have a 4some
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
