how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Pooping to opera.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
