Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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