just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
