I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
