So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
