I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My life is pants optional.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
