Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize