I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
