what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Are my feet made of real feet?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
