so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
