Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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