worst night to have a conscience
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
