is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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