Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize